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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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Oh my dear chum, Aarburg (CH) is simply a marvel, an absolute gem tucked away by the Aare river – proper twinkling water, innit? You see, walking down Hauptstrasse feels like stepping into another century; the cobbled alleys remember secrets from days of yore, and yes, I might have even heard ancient whispers near the mighty Aarburg Castle. And blimey, don't even get me started on the local park by the Allmend – that greensward is simply magical, like scenes from Tropical Malady, "avatiya, the dream, the jungle of our souls!"

Dimitri Vegas: EDC Orlando. 2024